Belonging to Heaven
by Mare-Mare
Summary: a moment with leon and some of his private thoughts and memories. oneshot.


Belonging to Heaven

How many years had it been? Ten? Twenty? He couldn't quite remember, or rather didn't really want to. The memories of his once beautiful world crumbling within his palms were enough to force his heart to crack further.

He was a knight. He was supposed to protect and serve.

He was a failure.

Aerith ran her sharp nails across his bare arm scratching the skin pleasantly. Squeezing her delicate frame he gave her a soft kiss upon her head inhaling the scent of roses and lilacs.

"It's cold," she said tilting her face towards his. He was already too warm for his standards but didn't mind bringing the thick quilt over their naked bodies. "Thank you," she cooed and snuggled back into the crook of his shoulder and chest and slipped back into sleep.

He ran his fingers over her collar bone and spine thinking about how she, just as much as he had, lost everything. Her world was disintegrated by Ansem's experiments just as much as his. Many lives had been ruined by the Heartless, and he had felt the totality of the responsibility weighing down on him ever since it had happened.

There wasn't a moment were he hadn't thought that maybe, just maybe he could have stopped Ansem. That maybe if he had just said something to the mad man about the doors then maybe Hollow Bastion would be saved and she would still be alive.

He tried to grab her before the balcony collapsed. He watched her as she skidded upon the brick walls of the castle the rubble and stone following behind her threatening to crush her lithe body. The blackness in her eyes overwhelmed with fear, her arms begging for him to save her, her shrill voice screaming out his name.

The sun had been shining brightly that day. Mocking him, laughing at his foolish misery.

He knew what Ansem had been capable of. He knew.

Aerith had lost the man she loved that day as well. Cloud, a young man with hate in his eyes and strength in his heart. Leon knew of the man but only distantly.

That's how they came together, Aerith and he, the shared pain of having lost someone in a disaster. A similar ache that only a person of the same ailment could soothe. Unlike him though, Aerith never wore her sorrow and often he couldn't even tell if she even knew was misery looked like. But he knew that her pain was no less than his.

Aerith had reminded him of her, his sorceress, with her sweet smile and her kind soul glowing beneath her eyes. Even so, Aerith wasn't her. Aerith could never even be her just as much as he could never be Cloud.

"What are you thinking about?"

"Nothing," he said running his fingers through her long mahogany hair.

"Then why are you grinding your teeth?"

Self consciously he relaxed his jaw and ran his tongue over the aching molars. Knowing him, she began to giggle.

He cared about her, he really did. He could almost say that he loved her but that would be too extreme. She was beautiful, kind and there when he needed her to be. There was a small curiosity within him about how she truly felt as well.

Aerith felt that Cloud was still alive, out there roaming the worlds.

He wished that he could feel the same about his loss.

"What makes you feel like he's not dead?"

He could feel her muscles tense and then relax as she shrugged. "I don't know, it's hard to explain."

"Try," he asked.

Aerith rolled away from him stretching her arms above her head. "I just do. It's like when you say goodbye to a friend and you know that you're going to see them sometime, sooner or later."

That wasn't good enough for him. "I don't understand."

"I told you that it was hard to explain."

Aerith was such a kind and loyal soul. She could latch onto a happy feeling and never let it flitter away. He wished that he was able to even caress a good thought without the reality of a situation breathing down his neck.

Aerith moved to her other side and pulled a pillow close to her body. Once again the girl had fallen asleep. "Lucky," he thought.

Hearing her breathing slow down and become steady, Leon eased himself out of the bed and placed his feet upon the cool wood floor. He reached down, grabbed his leather pants and slide them back onto his body. He moved across the room trying to keep the floor from creaking to little avail.

He walked towards the window, past the moonlight that stained the floor silver and away from the sleeping beauty in his bed. Looking out from the glass he gazed upon the stars, searching the night sky for a hint of the few worlds that were left.

How he longed to be out of Traverse town and back in Hollow Bastion, to be defending his kingdom again, to have a purpose. What he would give to have the faith that Aerith did in Cloud. How he wanted to _know _her to be alive.

Looking, he saw beyond the darkness, beyond the world he was trapped in, beyond the truth. He saw her in emeralds and ribbons frolicking in the spring flowers. Black eyes glinting like glorious obsidian. She was alive, happy and waiting for him to wake up to that fact. She was waiting.

"Yeah," he thought, "Okay then."


End file.
